


the rest of us can find happiness in misery (via scrapbooks)

by thelostcolony



Series: The Life and Times of Team Red [1]
Category: Marvel
Genre: Dead Aunt May, Everyone Lives in Matt's Apartment, Humor, Matt Murdock- Guardian, Other, Sam Wilson is the token Mom Friend, Slight Hurt/Comfort, Team Dynamics, Team as Family, Texting, When you write your RP group interactions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-24
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-06-04 03:26:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6639481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelostcolony/pseuds/thelostcolony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>hawkass: i have a confession to make</p><p>hawkass: it was me who turned off matt’s spellcheck and voice typer</p><p>peter (not spiderman) parker: clint it’s three am</p><p>steeb: wHY ARE YOU NOT IN YOUR ROOM PETER BENJAMIN</p><p>peter (not spiderman) parker: oh gOD</p><p>matty: sobgigrghui plebase twubt ob yby spllechhecj</p><p>(Or: Team Red, expressed through a series of texts in the groupchat.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	the rest of us can find happiness in misery (via scrapbooks)

**Author's Note:**

> Firstly: I'm sorry for this
> 
> Secondly: about 99% of this fic happened at some-point or another naturally in my own groupchat
> 
> Thirdly: I hope you enjoy!

**rem** : okay Peter, I KNOW you’re in school right now, so I know that the red and blue blur I just saw flash by across the street likely on the way to the robbery on 34th couldn’t POSSIBLY be you

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** oh god

 **matty** : i rgb thjkafb th ehtdnf d

 **steeb** : okay who turned off Matt’s spell check and voice-typer again though

 **steeb** : was it you clint

 **hawkass** : i just heard a huge thump

 **hawkass** : peter did you just crash into my fucking window???

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** oH GOD

 **hawkass** : you bROKE MY FUCKIG WINDOW

 **buck-o:** i leave for five minutes

**___________________**

**hawkass** : i have a confession to make

 **hawkass** : it was me who turned off matt’s spellcheck and voice typer

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** : clint it’s three am

 **steeb** : wHY ARE YOU NOT IN YOUR ROOM PETER BENJAMIN

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** oh gOD

 **matty** : sobgigrghui plebase twubt ob yby spllechhecj

**___________________**

**Natasha (THE Black Widow) Romanoff:** Steve just vaulted himself off a skyscraper because Bucky said “Steven Grant Rogers don’t you dare launch yourself off this skyscraper without a parachute” and Steve said “DON’T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE”

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** : I think i’m crying

 **hawkass** : that’s hilarious omfg

 **the main bird:** this is the best thing I’ve heard all day

 **matty** : Peter I can smell your tears. Why are you crying

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** : because all of my friends aRE SUPERPOWERED ASSHOLES

 **rem** : but cute

 **matty** : language

 **steeb** : There are so many things I regret

**___________________**

**peter (not spiderman) parker** : ok so hypothetically

 **matty** : Peter please

 **peter (not spiderman) parke** r: HYPOTHETICALLy if i were stuck in a dumpster currently after tryibg to take down a syndicate i recently discovered in harlem what would you do

 **matty** : Peter, why

 **rem** : becaadhfug he’s ab ibdiot

 **steeb** : Remy, are you drunk?

 **matty** : of course he’s drunk that’s why there’s no beer in my fridge

 **rem** : tgats rigbtg

 **buck-o** : seriously, remy?

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** : hahahaha that sucks back to me pls

 **buck-o:** well, considering you’re only hypothetically stuck

 **peter (not spiderman parker)** : bucky please

 **buck-o** : i guess

 **buck-o:** we’ll just

 **buck-o:** have to leave

 **buck-o:** you

 **buck-o:** there

 **buck-o** : punk

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** was this necessary

 **matty** : yes

**___________________**

**the main bird:** who’s singing in the shower

 **Natasha (THE Black Widow) Romanoff** : Clint

 **Natasha (THE Black Widow) Romanoff:** I’d know that off-key tenor anywhere

 **steeb** : is he singing rent

 **the main bird:** wait you’ve seen rent???

 **the main bird:** without me???

 **Natasha (THE Black Widow) Romanoff:** Oh no. Here we go.

 **rem** : I showed it to him

 **steeb** : remy showed me

 **Natasha (THE Black Widow) Romanoff:** since when do you like Broadway

 **the main bird** : since when do you like singing

 **matty** : Since when do you like Steve????

 **rem** : i’M ALLOWED TO HAVE INTERESTS

 **matty** : Does that mean you’re interested in Steve?

 **rem** : OKAY WE’RE NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION NOPE

**___________________**

**matty** : Has anyone seen Peter?

  
**steeb** : no, last I heard he was with Remy

 **rem** : he told me he was going home

 **matty** : Well he’s not here

 **buck-o** : fucking punk

 **buck-o** : I knew I should’ve let bird-for-brains install that shit on his phone

 **hawkass** : I’ll look for him in Harlem; I’m here for a mission

 **matty** : Okay

 **rem** : this fucking kid

**___________________**

**new message:**

matty, steeb, the main bird, rem, hawkass, Natasha (THE Black Widow) Romanoff:

**buck-o** : i found peter

 **buck-o:** he’s asleep

 **steeb** : where are you???

 **buck-o** : in Queens

 **buck-o** : he’s at aunt may’s

 **buck-o** : he fell asleep like this _[attached: 1vhshaghi/jpg]_

 

_The conversation was named "petesquad"_

_Today 12:54 AM_

 

 **matty** : So I guess because no one else is going to say it, I will: we need to do something about this.

 **the main bird:** What if we took things from his aunt’s house to bring the apartment? I know that it’s being seized at the end of this month

 **rem** : how do you know this wtf

 **hawkass** : what do you think i sneak around in air vents for

 **rem** : i wasn’t talking to you dipshit

 **hawkass** : and I share my info with people who don’t call me dipshit

 **rem** : would you like me to call you something other than dipshit

 **hawkass** : how about

 **rem** : fuck

 **hawkass** : sUNSHINE MAAAAAN

 **steeb** : Guys please focus

 **steeb** : Are you bringing him home, Bucky?

 **buck-o** : i think i’ll sit here for a while with him, actually. I don’t want to wake him when he’s finally sleeping through the night for the first time in a month

 **steeb** : he’s been doing surprisingly well

 **rem** : that’s called ‘not coping’; i do it all the time.

 **matty** : Call us if anything changes.

 **steeb** : Has he been to her grave yet?

 **buck-o** : where do you think he is when you can’t find him at night?

**_______________________**

  
_Jessica (Not A Superhero) Jones was added to the conversation._

 **Jessica (Not A Superhero) Jones** : I regret being added to this chat already

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** : you haven’t even been here 5 mins

 **rem** : give it a chance ma cheri

 **Jessica (Not A Superhero) Jones** : pull that french crap on me again and I will personally come by the apartment to rip you a new one.

 **rem** : aw, she likes me

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** : this is disgusting

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** get this away from me

 **Jessica (Not A Superhero) Jones:** Take me out of this chat

 **rem** : what, distancing yourself because you can’t resist my charms?

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** : End This

_Jessica (Not A Superhero) Jones left the conversation._

**hawkass** : this is why everyone hates us

**___________________**

 

 **rem** : hey guys imagine we could go back in time and meet a younger steve and bucky

 **matty** : How much have you had to drink

 **rem** : not enough

 **rem:** but seriously how interesting

 **buck-o:** the paradoxes would be unreal

 **steeb** : paradox

 **steeb** : eyyy

 **hawkass** : is that from fucking doctor who

 **hawkass** : who showed you fucking doctor who

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** : it’s a good show jeez

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:**  that’d be interesting though

 **buck-o** : what year?

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** considering all your jokes are old enough to be from the 1500s i guess around then would be pretty ideal

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** so you could, y’know

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** : be in your element

 **steeb** : don’t

 **matty** : Peter I’m both proud and slightly disgruntled that you got there before I did

 **the main bird** : peter you’re now my favorite child

 **peter (not spiderman) parker** : aren’t I the only child?

 **the main bird** : I consider all of you children because you’re all prone to tantrums when you don’t get your way and have no idea how to take care of yourselves

 **the main bird:** except for Natasha

 **the main bird:** she’s chill. She can be the cool assassin aunt who kills people but also gives the best presents on holidays

 **Natasha (THE Black Widow) Romanoff:** I appreciate that for what’s it worth

 **rem** : mommy

 **matty** : Why must you ruin these things when they come up

 **rem** : daddy

 **peter (not spiderman) parker:** did you mean: everyday

**___________________**

_petesquad_

**steeb** : Peter’s not in his room.

 **the main bird:** he’s at aunt may’s, huh?

 **buck-o** : omw

 **matty** : No, I’m out. I can get it.

 **the main bird** : if he’s curled up like he was before take a picture

 **matty** : Why? I won’t be able to see it.

 **hawkass** : jUsT dO iT

 **the main bird** : we missed out on like all of Peter’s childhood I want at least some pictures for a scrapbook

 **matty** : I cannot believe

 **rem** : when are we going to start moving her stuff we only have like three weeks left

 **steeb** : You’re not in your room either

 **rem** : okay mom

 **rem** : i’m allowed to have hobbies

 **steeb** : When said hobbies involve drinking I’d rather you stick to your interests

 **rem** : I’M

 **the main bird** : guys

 **hawkass** : we can start when peter’s at school tom

 **Natasha (THE Black Widow) Romanoff** : Go to sleep. Bucky has Peter handled.

 **hawkass** : but I don’t wanna

 **Natasha (THE Black Widow) Romanoff** : Go. To. Sleep. Clinton.

 **hawkass** : night guys

 **buck-o** : you sure you got him?

 **matty** : I got him. I’m here already.

 **matty** : _[attachment: v.co/gjhtgjskw/jpg]_

 **matty** : I think I’ll stay for awhile too.

 **hawkass** : I can’t believe you’re making a scrapbook

 **Natasha (THE Black Widow) Romanoff:** WHAT DID I JUST SAY.

 ** **hawkass** : **oh god


End file.
